Derby

CHARACTERS:

MIKE – father, 60’s, somewhere in the southern half of the US, west of Jessica

JESSICA – daughter, 30’s, somewhere in the northern half of the US, east of Mike

TIME: September 2020

PLACE: a virtual meeting platform

Jessica appears on screen, checks things are in order – she is sitting at a small table with a glass, a bottle of Wild Turkey, bitters, simple syrup, and mint in a plastic container from the store. She checks herself in the camera, takes a deep breath, presses the button to make the call to her father in the southern part of the US. Sound of a video call being made and when Mike “picks up,” vestiges of the ringing sound on his end. We see his image sideways, shaking around a bit and slowly righting itself through the first few lines. His hair and clothes are a bit disheveled. He is unshaven.

MIKE: Uh, oops, is that you, Jess? Jessica?

JESSICA: Happy Birthday!

MIKE: Jessica?

JESSICA: Yes, Dad, …Hi. Can you hear…

MIKE: I thought you said two. (pause) Hello?

JESSICA: Yes, it’s two. Happy Birthday!

MIKE: Uh, looking at the clock it’s one.

JESSICA: What?

MIKE: It’s one here.

JESSICA: Oh, two eastern. I thought… well… looking at her clock it’s two here.

MIKE: It’s one here. You caught me… I was going to shave… I’m, uhhh… I was just sitting down to eat my egg…

JESSICA: Oh, sorry. Well, do you want me to call you back?

MIKE: No – no I’m glad it’s working. I wasn’t sure if it would work. Let’s just… this is fine.

JESSICA: Ok, well I didn’t mean to interrupt…

MIKE: Nope it’s fine…

JESSICA: Well, go ahead and eat your egg…

MIKE: Yup… ok… let’s see here… he leaves the camera for a minute we see the ceiling and hear noise of drawers and cupboards etc. in the background. Kitchen noises. Loud sound of plate on table, phone is righted shakily. His hair is smoothed a bit and slightly damp. Ok, I’m here.

JESSICA: Hi. 

MIKE: Hi. 

JESSICA: What kind of egg?

MIKE: What?

JESSICA: What kind of…

MIKE: Oh. Fried.

JESSICA: How’s the yolk?

MIKE: Runny. holds up some egg dripping with yolk See?

JESSICA: Yup. Is that hot sauce?

MIKE: Oh yeah. Yup. Can’t do without Tobasco. Eating rather loudly lots of lip smacks Did you know it’s a family…?

JESSICA: What?

MIKE: Tobasco, it’s been like…

JESSICA: Oh, yeah, there’s a documentary…

MIKE: Yup, I saw that. So they’ve kept it in the family….

JESSICA: Yeah.

MIKE:  All these years…. he eats and an English Muffin shows her. Would you like some? He offers it through the camera.

JESSICA:  Ha ha. Yeah. Ha ha. So, do you have a candle in it?

MIKE: What? Oh, no.

JESSICA: Happy birthday.

MIKE: No candles… Thanks. Thank you. They smile at each other. 

JESSICA: Don’t let it get cold. 

MIKE: Ok. Sorry to be eating here…

JESSICA: It’s fine. You eat. I’ll mix the drinks! 

MIKE: Chuckles and mops up the egg with English muffin. Slurps.

JESSICA: Watches him for a minute Did mom like hot sauce?

MIKE: Mom? Stops looks at Jessica No. She didn’t like anything hot.

JESSICA: Hmm.

MIKE: Do you? Pause Do you like it?

JESSICA: No. 

MIKE: Hmm. Like her, I guess.

JESSICA: Yeah.

MIKE: She used to make smiley faces on my eggs – she’d make a smiley face using the hot sauce… 

JESSICA: Oh, really?

MIKE: Yeah. Pause Haven’t thought of that in a while… Just something nice, a smiley face on my eggs. It was always way too much hot sauce! But she didn’t eat it, so she didn’t know. He laughs a little then eats.

JESSICA: Ha. Ok, so you eat and I’ll talk – let’s see, I’m going to make us mint juleps in honor of your birthday and the Kentucky Derby. 

MIKE: Oh, right, the Derby!

JESSICA: You always told me about the time you went, and you drank a mint julep there.

MIKE: mmm-hmmm he remembers, still eating noisily.

JESSICA: …and so in honor of your birthday, which falls on Derby-Day this year…!

MIKE: correcting What was supposed to be derby day--

JESSICA: Right, well…

MIKE: They keep pushing it back. 

JESSICA: Yeah. 

MIKE: Pushing it back because of Covid…. 

JESSICA: Yeah… 

MIKE: You think – couldn’t they just run the horses and let us watch?

JESSICA: Well, there’s the jockeys. 

MIKE: Yeah, the jockeys…

JESSICA: And the owners, and the handlers…

MIKE: Handlers? Oh, the stable-boys…

JESSICA: Right, stable-boys… are any of them girls?

MIKE: Huh?

JESSICA: Are there any stable-girls?

MIKE: Huh… probably… I guess so… correcting himself in mock-formality stable-persons….

JESSICA: …and then you’d need all of the… camera crews and tv people, so they just can’t… 

MIKE: …right

JESSICA: …they just can’t keep the six feet…. 

MIKE: …right. The distance. Yeah. Well, those horses, they’ll be too old.

JESSICA: What?

MIKE: Well, winter’s coming, so they won’t be able to run it… It’s a 3-year-old’s race, so those horses, they’ll age-out. 

JESSICA: Oh. 

MIKE: Yeah. Big losses for the owners.

JESSICA: They can probably afford to lose. 

MIKE: Agreeing. Probably. Pause But they don’t think so.

JESSICA: Yeah. Short pause Everything’s relative.

MIKE: Everything’s relative. said in unison, something that’s in the family lore they make some sort of expression or gesture, like hand on chin or something that goes with the phrase, also part of the tradition. They smile at each other as they drop the gesture. 

JESSICA: It’s good to see you. 

MIKE: It’s good to see you too, Jessica. pause

JESSICA: You look like you’ve lost some weight.

MIKE: I have. Since I’m ordering everything for delivery now I just decided to order only the good things, and so I’ve stopped eating so much… 

JESSICA: … junk food?

MIKE: Yeah, junk food. I’ve kinda’ gone… healthy!

JESSICA: Wow, that’s great, dad.

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: No more cookies?

MIKE: Well… sometimes I still have a few cookies….

JESSICA: Ha.

MIKE: I mean, you can’t really live without cookies…

JESSICA: Right.

MIKE: …but you know, I’ve been much better, I’ve been… being smarter about it, and, look at me! 

JESSICA: Yeah, looks great. Well done.

MIKE: Yup. I guess that’s one good thing coming out of the Covid.

JESSICA: Yeah. 

MIKE: Look on the bright side.

JESSICA: pause So… I was thinking we could make mint juleps to celebrate, even though the Derby is postponed. 

MIKE: Well that’s a nice thought, thank you. 

JESSICA: Doesn’t really go with your egg?

MIKE: Last bite! He takes it. Chews with gusto, wipes his mouth with a kitchen towel. Big smile.

JESSICA: Ok, well, let’s see here, I pulled up the recipe she shows him her phone screen with the recipe on it from the internet, and I got all the ingredients. 

MIKE: Ok, you want a julep cup… he gets up from the table with his plate, again we see the image slowly pan from the chair/table/part of the kitchen behind him to the ceiling as his phone slides down onto the table slowly, kitchen noises, he returns with a stainless steel julep cup, we see up his nose and the bottom of his unshaven chin briefly as he stands over the phone, then he rights it again and sits at the table, shows her his julep cup, then puts it down on the table.

JESSICA: Ok, well, I don’t have one, so I’m going to use a highball… she shows him her glass. 

MIKE: Alright. 

JESSICA: It says, first you “lightly muddle the mint and syrup.”

MIKE: Yes.

JESSICA: Muddle?

MIKE: You know, sort-a squish together. 

JESSICA: Huh. Ok. She carefully measures 1/4 ounce of simple syrup (she’s clearly not used to doing this), she pours the syrup into the glass puts some mint leaves she has on the table into the glass and stirs it together with a spoon. Decides she needs a longer spoon, leaves for a second, we hear a drawer, returns with an iced-tea spoon, continues stirring.

MIKE: Watching Yeah, you kinda’ want to crush the leaves a bit –

JESSICA: Oh, like this? She muddles.

MIKE: Yup. Like that. Crush them up a bit. It’s for the flavor.

JESSICA: Ok. Tapping spoon on glass “muddled!” Next, add the bourbon and pack tightly with crushed ice… I don’t have crushed ice…?

MIKE: …cubed will do. 

JESSICA: Cubed will have to do…. She leaves the table and we hear sounds of the freezer/ice tray cracking. She brings the plastic ice tray to the table. She unseals the unopened bottle of Wild Turkey, carefully measures out 2 ounces, puts several cubes into the glass and then pours the bourbon over the ice.

MIKE: He watches Lookin’ good.

JESSICA: Ok let’s see… bitters… 

MIKE: Yup, just a few drops… 

JESSICA: It says “garnished with bitters.” 

MIKE: “garnished?” 

JESSICA: Yeah, “garnish colon bitters” she looks at him can a liquid be a garnish?

MIKE: I wouldn’t think so….

JESSICA: Yeah. Next it says “garnish colon mint sprig” Now that’s a garnish – a sprig….not a liquid.

MIKE: Huh. Sprig.

JESSICA: Right mint spring. Sprig of mint.

MIKE: Sprig. Funny word. 

JESSICA: Yeah, sprig. All these great words in here, muddled… sprig…. it’s like a poem or something… she’s looking at the recipe on the screen of her phone, then she shows it to Mike, the ingredients list looks like a poem.

MIKE: Sprig. 

JESSICA: Sprig.

MIKE: Sprig.

JESSICA: Putting on an upper class British accent, rolling the r’s Sprig! James! Bring me a sprig!

MIKE: laughing. Sprig. It starts to lose its meaning, doesn’t it?

JESSICA: without the accent now. Yes, Sprig sprig sprig… 

MIKE: Let’s look it up.

JESSICA: What?

MIKE: You know, like your mom used to… I’ll get the dictionary. He goes to get the dictionary, same slow slide business with the phone, muffled sounds in the background.

JESSICA: But, Dad, we can look it up online… he is gone. She waits. She listens. Sprig. She looks at her phone screen, she opens a new tab and types in dictionary.com, she looks back, he’s still not there, she knows she’s cheating, she types in “Sprig” and hits “search.”

MIKE: returning Here it is. Holds up a worn-looking paperback Webster’s dictionary. He flips to the letter S.

JESSICA: We can just… 

MIKE: Let’s see, sprig… puts on reading glasses, thumbs through pages.

JESSICA: Got it. 

MIKE: looks at Jessica That was fast!

JESSICA: I used the internet.

MIKE: Looks at her Hey! That’s cheating!

JESSICA: Yup. Smiles It says, reads from phone “Noun. 1. A small spray of some plant with its leaves, flowers, etc.”

MIKE: Agreeing, with an air of finality. Sprig. takes off reading glasses.

JESSICA: “2. An ornament having the form of such a spray.”

MIKE: “…the form of such a spray?” There’s more than one? 

JESSICA: There’s a LOT more! 

MIKE: Oh my goodness. Who knew? 

JESSICA: Yeah, right. Number three “a shoot, twig, or small branch.” She looks at him. Well, that makes sense. Number four “facetious”– in italics? Why is it in italics? “A scion, offspring, or heir of a family, class, etc.”

MIKE: facetiously You sprig. big smile.

JESSICA: Looks at him Hm. Looks back at phone Number five “A Youth or Young Fellow.” They look at each other. Could it be a girl? 

MIKE: Ummm, sure. Would you like to be called a sprig?

JESSICA: Maybe…? Looks back at phone Number six… 

MIKE: Number six?! Now you’re making this up!

JESSICA: Nope, No I’m not – look, it’s right here. She shows him phone with list on it.

MIKE: Puts on reading glasses again, looks into his screen Number six! Scroll down… leans in and reads off her screen, mumbling we see his face/eyes close-up glazier… brad… metallurgy… Eight definitions?! AND it’s a verb? Backs away from the screen Wow, who knew? 

JESSICA: Who knew? pause

MIKE: Holding up his dictionary, waving it a little Well, I guess Webster knew. Something mom used to say, just as this whole game of looking up definitions was something that mom used to do. They sit with it for a few moments, each feeling emotions. They miss her.

JESSICA: Sprig of mint…. She opens the plastic clam shell and pulls off a sprig of mint from the bunch. Shows him the sprig before putting it in the glass.

MIKE: Wait!

JESSICA: She stops before putting it in the glass. What?

MIKE: Hold on, I’m going to get something. He is gone, we hear door, etc. this time phone doesn’t slip, he fixed it. We look at his empty chair, Jessica waits expectantly looking at screen. He returns. He is wet. He holds up a wet large clump of mint. Look!

JESSICA: You’re wet.

MIKE: It’s raining here. Look, I have a sprig of mint!

JESSICA: Oh, dad, there’s dirt…. 

MIKE: Oh, look at that, I pulled up some soil… don’t know my own strength, I guess!

JESSICA: What a mess, dad it’s getting everywhere. 

MIKE: noticing Oh, yup… looks around the side of the phone where he came from got it all over the floor there, too. Must be all the rain, softens up the soil. I pulled that right out of the ground, whoops! 

JESSICA: Oh, no…

MIKE: Not to worry, I’ll clean it up later. Smiles.

JESSICA: Where’d you get it?

MIKE: In the side-yard – your mother planted it… once it’s there, it persists… it’s persistent… you can’t get rid of it.

JESSICA: Do you want to?

MIKE: No. pause Crush it. Crush it in your fingers. He crushes some of the mint in his fingers. Jessica does the same. Smell that? He smells his fingers Mmmmm. Fresh mint. That’s nice. He chews some.

JESSICA: She smells her fingers. Mmmmmm. Mint. She takes a leaf, chews on it. So now you have a mint sprig for your mint julep. She puts her sprig into her glass, raises it up and puts it toward her dad/the camera, Cheers!

MIKE: Cheers. He puts a sprig into his empty julep cup and lifts it toward Jessica/the camera.

JESSICA: Happy Birthday. 

MIKE: Thanks, honey. 

JESSICA: Oh, you didn’t make one, well, you’ll just have to make one later.

MIKE: Yeah. I don’t actually have anymore Wild Turkey. 

JESSICA: Oh?

MIKE: Well, when I ran out the last time, I figured, you know, I’m getting healthy, so I haven’t really bought any more…. 

JESSICA: Oh, really? 

MIKE: Yeah. I’ve kind-of… I’m not drinking anymore, Jess….

JESSICA: Wow…. That’s great. …wow. I mean… that’s really great, dad.

MIKE: Yeah. Pause. The gravitas of this moment sinks in for both of them. Are you ok… out there? 

JESSICA: …yeah… it’s been sorta’ weird, you know. 

MIKE: Yeah. You must get lonely. 

JESSICA: A little… but I have Felix, he keeps me company. Thank goodness. And I have some online groups. And friends…. 

MIKE: That’s good. Give Felix a scratch behind the ears for me. 

JESSICA: Ok. 

MIKE: Well… are you ever sorry you didn’t come home?

JESSICA: No. pause I mean, I have a life here… even though – well I guess I don’t really have a life now, but, everything is here – I mean, I live here now….

MIKE: They won’t let you come anymore. 

JESSICA: Right. 

MIKE: They’ve closed it all off. 

JESSICA: Yeah, so even if I wanted to…. 

MIKE: Right. 

JESSICA: But, when they let us… when it opens up again…. A huge leap. I’ll come see you.

MIKE: You will?

JESSICA: Yeah. Decision. Yes. Felix and I will come for a visit. 

MIKE: Overcome Well…

JESSICA: I’ll rent a car. I’ve always wanted to drive it. 

MIKE: That will take a few days. 

JESSICA: Out on the open road, sounds pretty good about now.

MIKE: Yeah, it does. Pause. Well, that’s the best birthday present… he is a little choked up and can’t finish the sentence right away. Pause. Thank you. What a great birthday present. 

JESSICA: You’re welcome.

MIKE: Something to look forward to.

JESSICA: Yes. 

MIKE: Wonderful. 

JESSICA: Happy Birthday. Pause. From your little sprig.

Mike Smiles at Jessica. Jessica smiles back. They sit with each other.

THE END